I’ve been sick for the last few days. It either is the flu or a virus. I’m not sure exactly which, so I just call it the Fluvus. Works for me.
While I’m sitting on the toilet or lying in bed writhing in pain from stomach cramps, or while I’m sitting on my living room floor staring wistfully at the kitchen into which I haven’t ventured in four days because I can’t eat anything in there, I Google myself. (Update: I just realized how dirty that sounds.)
When I Google myself, I don’t put in my full name, because that only returns search results for me. Instead, I put in “Kristina Webb.” The results for this search term are far more entertaining.
And so I present, Kristina Webbs from around the world. They are in order of appearance on the Google search results.
Page 1: Here we meet Kristina Webb, an Australian who works in the IT industry and enjoys “Personal Development, New Age, Share Trading, Wealth Creation, Internet Marketing and generally learning new things!” She has a cat named Jasmin and loves nature.
Page 1: Kristina Webb Shapiro is an attorney from Baton Rouge, La. Her areas of practice include Probate & Successions, Interdictions & Guardianships, Estate Planning, Wills & Trusts, Community Property Partitions & Settlements, Divorces and Miscellaneous. So if you’re heading to court to take of that pesky old miscellaneous and you’re in or near Baton Rouge, give her a call.
Page 1: Another Kristina Webb, this time from Fort Lauderdale. Or is it Salt Lake City? Maybe Macon. No, I think it might be Nashville. Anywho, this Kristina describes herself as follows: “A little crazy and rough on the edges. You either love me or hate me , no in between. Love playing music/writing songs and fronting a band . I love playing golf and love gambling on the holes !” She has a grandson named Tater.
Page 1: Lots of great Kristinas on just the first page of the results, but here we find one who definitely lives life after my own heart. Kristina Webb is a 20-year-old from the United States, according to her Myspace profile. She believes that “to get to the rainbow, you gotta deal with the rain <3” and she lives this mantra in every aspect of her life. From her dreams to be a Playboy Bunny to her belief that “bitches come && go so believe none of wutchu hear && half of wutchu see,” this Kristina believes she is “as real as it gets.” Good for you, sister.
Page 3: Kristina Webb from East Mesa is a piano accompanist who charges $20 an hour. She has 20 years of piano playing experience, and loves holiday arrangements. She is most familiar with classical arrangements.
Page 4: Kristina Webb is a musician by trade. She is a song writer, and wonders “what happened to music? Now a days people just make a song that sounds good in the club.Dont get me wrong we need club music, but your whole album does not have to be about shaking ass and drugs and how much money you have and cars.” Oh Kristina. We are such an introspective breed.
Page 5: Here we meet a Kristina Webb who also can be called Teenie, if she loves ya. According to her Myspace profile, she is a 40-year-old from California who loves glitter-letter graphics. She loves to dance, believes you should just enjoy life, and knows deep down that we all have capes. Her words of wisdom are like gems from God himself: “A little advise, DON’T LET THE PAST CRAP FUCK WITH YOUR FUTURE.” Kristinas, as I’m sure you know, are extremely wise. We poop wisdom like that.
One last Kristina for you to meet:
Page 5: Kristina Webb was arrested in Port Charlotte on Feb. 22, 2009, for petit larceny. She was released on $1,000 bond. At the time of her arrest she was unemployed. Her birthday is April 11, and she has hazel eyes. And she definitely is not me.
Support your local Kristinas!