Insomnia, or How I Sometimes Can’t Sleep for No Reason.


I started writing a post last night that began with, “Pretty safe to say I’m not falling back to sleep anytime soon. I keep having these awful dreams where nfjen urg vq nrje;qg mrewgre.” So I think it’s time to talk to my doctor about things I can do to help me sleep.

That leads me to the topic of this post (now that’s what I call a segue!): insomnia. Occasionally I’ll have my bouts of it. It usually happens when I’m undergoing stress, or when I’m experiencing a personal dilemma. However, in this case it’s a combination of rampant nightmares and not knowing how much caffeine is too much caffeine when you work a shift that runs from 3:30 p.m. to 12:30 a.m.

The worst part is that I normally am very productive when these things hit. I’ll stay up late at night and write, sketch, take weird photographs of myself with stuffed animals…

Gee golly willickers, however did my hair get on that stuffed turtle-saur's head?

This time it’s the complete opposite. I wake up from the dreams, sit in my pajamas (read: underwear) on my couch and watch “The Office” on Netflix while eating almonds and occasionally drinking red wine. What used to be a space occupied by creative outbursts now houses lethargy and loneliness. Sloth. Gluttony. Me in my underwear. Sins running rampant.

So I’ve decided to do something about this. I need a challenge, but one I can do at night. I thought about giving myself the challenge of doing individual photo series of each object in my apartment, but then I realized that might get monotonous since many of the objects interact with each other.

I also considered doing a kind of “found at night” project, where I drive out into the world and find something interesting, then photograph it and post it here. That was an OK idea until I was driving home (the long way) tonight and saw the kind of hooligans that float around the downtown after midnight. If my primary goal were to photograph drunk white trash wandering around with paper bags full of who-knows-what, then I would have a never-ending supply of material.

As I thought about this last night, mulling over the many ways I can make good of such a late hour, I decided that I can’t make a plan for creativity. If it’s going to happen, it will happen. Maybe I’m not feeling creative right now because I have no inspiration. And if that’s the case, perhaps I should work on finding inspiration before I force myself to start churning out useless crap that no one wants to see.

Speaking of which, here’s a photo of a flower, taken in my parents’ back yard after a rain cloud passed over. It’s a metaphor for religion, and how the dew always springs fresh from fertile ground, and how with rough hands and tender hearts we can conquer our fears and make our names known, make our names remembered for the ages as kings and queens of eternity. We will rise up and forever be aligned with the brightest stars, with the farthest reaches of the universe, from the rings of Saturn to the very deepest depths of Uranus.
Or something like that.

Here we are, flowers of the universe.

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3 responses to “Insomnia, or How I Sometimes Can’t Sleep for No Reason.

  1. Insomnia is often a problem for me, but I’ve seldom been lucky enough to be struck by bursts of creativity during! Last night’s insomnia featured me trying to fall back to sleep in about 98 different positions. An hour later, I called off my attempts to sleep and started watching HIMYM on TV. That was too hilarious to help me sleep, so I was even more awake . . . but still not awake enough to do anything useful. I kept on watching HIMYM while tag-surfing on WordPress. I’d like to think whatever comments I left were coherent, but really? I know better than that!

    I like your comment about creativity. It definitely isn’t a scheduling-amicable sort of creature. That being said, I do believe that endeavoring to welcome it often helps it feel more at home . . . and thus more apt to visit at any given point . . .

  2. This: “I decided that I can’t make a plan for creativity. If it’s going to happen, it will happen. Maybe I’m not feeling creative right now because I have no inspiration. And if that’s the case, perhaps I should work on finding inspiration before I force myself to start churning out useless crap that no one wants to see.”
    I need to remind myself of this – er – that – on a weekly basis. Well done!

  3. Insomnia is something i know ALL to well. But when I have those moments where I just awaken from a sleep and can’t go back I just feel the need to pray. It’s hard when there’s no one else out there you can run to because everyone is doing what you “should” be doing and that’s sleeping. Lol. So I know how it feels to be lonely in those night hours. But, I just love how you used that beautiful picture at the end and the way you described it is amazing. Maybe that’s just it, when we are having those bouts of insomnia, just meditating on the things of God and what He has for us is the key to bring us peace within our hearts to have a good nights rest. After all, He does bring us “sweet sleep”.

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