Monthly Archives: April 2011

A day on the Treasure Coast.

Peter and I got lost in the wilderness north of a nuclear power plant last Friday. However, before that happened, we took the time to experience downtown Stuart’s River Walk. It’s cute, but be cautioned: there’s a lot of pollution. Litter everywhere. And it’s hard to get great shots when there are Doritos bags and empty Jimmy John’s cups.

The River Walk is a cute little boardwalk that runs right along the St. Lucie River to the north of downtown Stuart. Despite the trash, it’s pretty great. We parked over by the Pelican Cafe, at one end of the boardwalk, then walked the entire length and back through the downtown area. The breeze was amazing, and I went crazy for all the little fishes we saw swimming along the way. Plus, two jellyfish! I love spotting creatures.

Butterfly shell!

I fell in love with this shell. I would have picked it up if I could, but I think it’s considered bad form to hop off the boardwalk and tromp all over the beach.

Under the Roosevelt Bridge.

To be perfectly honest, the first thing that comes to mind looking at the underside of the Roosevelt is, “Does the wittle Roosevelt wants hims belly scratched? Huh?” Ugh. I disgust myself sometimes.

Master of all he surveys.

Peter and I found this guy strolling along in the water next to the boardwalk. I think we threw him off his hunting groove.

Cool creature.

I want a blue heron as a pet. Someday, not right now, because the pet deposit in my neighborhood is $600, which is just too much.

I'm pretty fond of this photo.

There’s something about that one that I really like. Maybe it’s the bridge in the background, maybe it’s the posture of the heron. Either way, it’s one of my favorites from the day.


Welcome to historic downtown Stuart! Their motto should be, “It’s frickin adorable.”

Holy bangs, Batman!

Peter took this picture of me. Believe it or not, it’s posed. I know, I know, it looks so casual because I stand next to shaky lampposts all the time, so you’d never know it wasn’t natural.


I tried to convince a small child to jump in and pick it up for me, but his mother quickly escorted him away while giving me the stink eye. Geez, sorry lady. I’m just trying to teach your kid the value of entrepreneurship by offering him 25 cents to pick up a jellyfish. Don’t hate. You’re just mad you didn’t think of it first.

Thus begins the photo set from the wilderness.

After visiting the River Walk, we decided to head to a natural area just north of the St. Lucie nuclear plant. I pulled into an area on the west side of A1A, thinking it would be a short walk to the Intracoastal.

WRONG. It was a very long walk that involved horse flies, alligators making noises and hiding in the shallow water next to the path, mosquitoes, sunburn … and fish jumping out of the water, which, admittedly, was incredible to watch (but very difficult to capture on camera since I was so dehydrated that I was shaking by the time we got to that spot).

Another favorite shot.

I think I like this photo because it’s so sharp. You could just imagine cutting yourself on those leaves. Also, I think there was an alligator hiding in there.

Hello, friend.

I spotted this creature from the path and took three pictures as I tried to keep a horse fly from eating my ear.

I also was very concerned with crabs crawling over my toes. The thought of it terrified me, and there were so many crabs of such varying size that I never knew if I would look down and find a large crab crawling over my foot, or if I would walk along for five minutes with a tiny crab hitchhiking on my sandal.

Since they bothered me so, I have excluded any pictures of the crabs. They’re not that great anyway. Have you been to a restaurant, seen a crab there? Imagine that guy on a bed of sand instead of lettuce. There you go. You just saw the pictures I took.

Beautiful spot.

After walking along for what seemed like an hour but probably only was about half that, Peter and I came to this spot where we could look out over this stream and watch fish jump out of the water to catch mosquitoes. Not only was I appreciative of the fish keeping the mosquito population in check, but the breeze was great, the company was amazing and everything smelled so fresh and clear. Despite my complaining about being lost in the wilderness, we never were lost because we never left the path. Sometimes a long walk gives you the feeling that you’re lost because you’re hot and tired, but in the end you can always turn around and wind up right back where you started. If only everything in life were that easy, eh?

Oh what the hell. I’m in a pleasant, introspective mood now. Why not give you a crab picture?

A small crab with a big claw. He's got heart.

The mystical allure of the Freshly Pressed page.

When I first began blogging, I had no goal in sight. I just wanted to get my ideas heard, have a place to post rough drafts of articles and write in a very stream-of-consciousness fashion with no fear of genuine critics.

I started this endeavor earnestly enough. My first post was pretty stereotypical: “Hello, I’m Kristina. I write and take photos. Here are my activities. I go to school, and that’s kind of a big deal. You should care about me because I’m a middle class Caucasian girl, one of hundreds of thousands who blog every day and expect people to care. Look at me and see I’m not different.”

Oh, the laughs we shared!

Throughout this process, I’ve become more involved with my blogging. Remember that stint where I blogged every day for almost a month? I even joined the WordPress Post a Day 2011 movement, although I’m not sure I should continue with that badge on the right side of my page since I haven’t posted in so long.

It was during my Post a Day 2011 phase that I became obsessed with Freshly Pressed. I read it every day. I would check to see who had been chosen — anyone I follow? — and then I would wait breathlessly until the next morning to see if my blog, by some incredible chance, had been chosen.

Chosen. Like God chose the Israelites, so some divine hand reaches through the internet and hand-picks blogs to be featured on Freshly Pressed. Some powerful being with impeccable taste (admit it, you love every post you’ve ever seen on FP) miraculously locates the very best posts on WordPress.

Who knows how it occurs? Is it based on page views? Search terms based on timely topics? Quirky photos that pop up in the image stream?

Most importantly:

How can I get their attention?

How do I get my blog on Freshly Pressed? I became obsessed for awhile. Every time I worked on a new post for Post a Day, I would wonder if this would be the one to break the barriers. I really thought I had something with the exploding possums, and again with my prehistoric crane photo. But somehow I just can’t seem to catch the all-seeing eye of the Freshly Pressed judge.

I am sure there are others out there like me. Now that I’m back in the game, I’m more determined than ever. And surely you know, my readers, that should I make it to the Freshly Pressed page, I will ask my questions of the One Who Sees All and Selects, and I will publish the answers here.

The first question I’ll ask: How many of you are there? Is it just one, or are there many? Is there a Holy Trinity of WordPress?

Answers. I need answers.

Getting the band back together.

I’ve never had a band, but as an outlet for self expression this is about as close as I’ll get.

I’m happy to say I’m returning to blogging after my little unexplained hiatus. With a new job that for the first month involved a two hour round trip commute, then a move to be closer to said job, I needed a little “alone time” … actually, that’s a lie. I was forced to value the time I didn’t spend in the car or at my desk, and so I used those spare hours to spend time with friends, family and/or the boyfriend; watch episodes of Arrested Development and Psych; and allow my body to adjust to my new schedule.

Work! Glorious work! I do indeed love my job. How many people can say that? I’m using my degree, working in the field I love, and doing something that allows me to exercise my brain. Placing articles on pages is like playing Tetris. It’s awesome. (See, Mom? Those video games finally paid off.)

I decided that, in honor of my illustrious return to WordPress, I would take a little time to write about my favorite topic in the world: search terms.

If you’ve read my blog before, you know that I continue to be fascinated by the search terms that lead people to my blog. Since I haven’t written in a while, I’m going to cover the search terms from the last 90 days.

Number one, and not really a surprise, is “chicken pot pie.” Thanks to this post, I’m sure. I bet there are a bunch of people searching for chicken pot pie recipes who stumble across my blog and just scratch their heads, wondering who begat this strange creature who thinks her father’s sentimentality is hilarious.

The many incarnations of 110 percent (giving 110 percent, give 110 percent, is it possible to give 110 percent, is 110 percent a number) continue to bring people to my blog. Hopefully they read that post and know that I’m not just some crazy person spouting strange ideas into the blogverse. There’s an intellectual side to me. I think I proved that when I called the whole Joaquin Phoenix fiasco before the movie even came out. (Oh, by the way, I tried to watch the movie and was completely thrown off by his sex scene with a prostitute. Oddly, it wasn’t because he was sleeping with a prostitute; I just know he used to be in good shape, and when he took off his shirt, he had a beer belly. It was so weird. Anyone who has seen Quills knows what I’m talking about.)

Possums seem to be a big draw as well. I did write several posts about possums … baby possums, momma possums, exploding possums. Possum-rama! Possum Fest 2011! Never say anything is im-possum-ible!

A quick rundown of my favorite terms:

  • why is eggplant so expensive, 4 hits (And hopefully they realized it’s because there are so many uses for the purple plant.)
  • glitter, 3 hits (Thanks, Gary!)
  • that’s not nice face, 2 hits (Someone needs to call 1-900-OK-FACE.)
  • what’s another name for the hey song, 2 hits (Another name for the hey song? Try, “The Stadium Anthem Written by a Pedophile.”)
  • cell phone blowing up while in socket, 2 hits (Thank you, readers, for sufficiently terrifying me.)
  • how pickled sausages made, 2 hits (I can’t imagine I’m very far up on the Google search results for this term. This guy — because no way was it a woman searching for this — really must have been digging for recipes.)
  • cream slave, 2 hits (DON’T GOOGLE THIS FOR THE LOVE OF GOD MY EYES.)
  • internal monologue middle school examples, 1 hit (Trust me, kid, just write the thing yourself.)
  • kristina ethel webb fart, 1 hit (Awesome. I’m so glad this led someone to my site.)
  • sniff me irish, 1 hit (Dammit you Irish! I told you to sniff me!)
  • people like you never seize to amaze me, 1 hit ( … Likewise.)

And my favorite, which produced one hit:

“hey so sister hey there mrs. glitter on the radio”

I know what this person wanted. I know he or she was looking for this video. And I try to rationalize the gross misunderstanding of lyrics by thinking, “Maybe this person is joking. Maybe they are making fun of this song the way I make fun of the song ‘Bandages’ by Hot Hot Heat by singing, ‘Bags of chips,’ instead of, ‘Bandages.’ … Or maybe they’re just really stupid.”

Either way, lost Train fan, this post is dedicated to you, the lonely wanderer who came here searching for Train and found, instead, a post about Gary Glitter pedophilia.