Thinking about money.

Friday, I found out that my dad was laid off from work almost a month ago. I’ve been wondering why he’s been so neurotic about spending, and now it’s all coming together. When he worked for Frank (the person who laid him off), we weren’t exactly rolling in it, but we didn’t have to worry. Now his only income will be his construction company, which hasn’t been getting enough work lately due to the economy.

It’s hard to find someone to blame for this situation. In these circumstances, there really isn’t anyone to point the finger at and to serve as scapegoat. My father can’t be blamed, because he is the hardest-working person that I’ve ever known. Frank can hardly be blamed, for he can’t help the effect that the wilting economy is having on real estate and, as a result, on his building projects. It’s too easy to blame the economy at a time like this. The proper thing to do would be to point the finger at whatever catalyst caused the American economy to dwindle the way that it has.

But what would that even be? Sub-prime mortgage loans? Fiscal irresponsibility? Poor financial policy? I believe that it is a combination of all  three. Honestly, economics was never my thing. The only reason that I received an A in that class in high school was because I studied harder for that than anything else I took that semester.

My dilemma now is this: I am going to have to take out a student loan to finance the rest of my education. When I was originally considering transferring to a public university, it was due to several factors, including money. Certain things have happened to make me want to stay at Palm Beach Atlantic, including my participation with the Beacon and several signs that I have received from God. I know that if it is God’s true intention for me to attend PBA, then He will provide for me accordingly. It’s just so hard to trust in a time like this.

I am especially nervous about this summer. I had planned on using the time for an internship, whether paid or unpaid. Now it seems that I will have to work a full-time job to save up money for the coming school year. I also had planned on spending a semester in Washington, D.C., for a program through school, but I don’t think I will be able to do that now.

This is something that has been weighing heavily on my heart for the past two days, and it really didn’t start to sink in until this afternoon when I was sitting with Peter and his mother on their patio. Somehow it came up in conversation, and I quickly felt the lump in my throat and detoured the topic down another avenue.

I am praying that this becomes easier to talk about, and I am praying that I will be able to find the financial means to come back to PBA next semester.


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